It’s not even Easter, and the weirdos are dressing up and parading around like little kids. Personally, I think that the folks at my old place of employment wear these costumes year round for sexual purposes, but this photo is the only proof I have. Rumor has it that they dance around a female employee three times, chanting the magical words “Chinga-linga-ding dong”. After that the costumed freaks sacrifice their quarry to the Easter gods in the hopes that they’ll be given many Easter gifts of staplers and printer cartridges.

Or something.

I guess the Turkish must have taken a little creative license when they remade Steven Spielberg’s classic story about a coked out 7 year old lush (Drew Barrymore) who befriends a disgusting little alien that looks like a recovering burn victim. For those having difficulty remembering the original story, E.T. was on a camping trip with his family when bad men with flashlights and lots of keys showed up to chase them off. Unfortunately for E.T., his parents didn’t love him enough to make sure he was aboard their ship before blasting off, so E.T. was left to fend for himself. Luckily he met Drew Barrymore’s character and they started dating. He liked her because she could start fires with her mind, and she liked him because he had a large head and a ribbed telescoping neck. It was a win-win situation for all. After several years of dating and living together, they both died in a car wreck while on vacation in Italy.

Let’s take a look at a short clip from the wonderful Turkish remake:

This clip clearly shows that the Turkish filmmakers behind it had little regard for maintaining Spielberg’s original storyline. I see no firestarting (unless you count the part where E.T. becomes frightened and loses control of his “smoke gland” when the friendly human father is about to give him a high-five). About the only thing this film does seem to have in common with its American counterpart is the presence of an ugly-mutant-burn-victim E.T. character that I’d really like to see get punched in the face. On a side note, I feel that the film could have been greatly improved by including Borat Sagdiyev in at least a brief cameo.

Three cheers for Turkey!

Instant messenging is a neat thing; it can be a great tool to keep in touch with friends, discuss important stuff with co-workers, and sometimes even meet new people. Although I’d never go so far as to install a chat client on my phone, I do get online occasionally to communicate with friends that I might not otherwise see very often. Every now and then, a conversation will take a turn from intellectual, to goofy, to downright weird.

Great minds at work:

(15:46:23) Tate: Question: if you eat something in a holodeck, are you hungry again after you leave?
(15:46:35) WebbArcana: yes
(15:47:19) WebbArcana: if your body uses the holodeck matter to build body parts like skin and hair, it would dissolve when you left too.
(15:47:47) WebbArcana: that must be part of the safty protocol is to make food not get digested by humans
(15:48:05) WebbArcana: and you would die
(15:48:55) Tate: So, if a chick screws a hologuy and he schlanks inside her, and she stays long enough to get knocked up… would it be an abortion when she leaves?
(15:52:44) WebbArcana: yup
(15:53:23) WebbArcana: well, half the matter would be her own, so i assume parts of the baby would remain
(15:53:31) WebbArcana: but not much.
(15:53:54) WebbArcana: they need to make a episode like that
(15:54:21) WebbArcana: i guess if you stayed long enough, your whole body would become a hologram
(15:54:31) WebbArcana: and you would no longer exist
(15:54:51) WebbArcana: except for parts of the body that dont regenerate
(15:55:12) Tate: Hahahah
(15:55:17) Tate: We should write a book
(15:55:28) WebbArcana: holo-death
(15:55:36) Tate: Yes
(15:55:44) Tate: We have some excellent ideas
(15:55:59) WebbArcana: but in star trek, bullets could kill without safty protocol
(15:56:02) Tate: They could lock up criminals in holodecks
(15:56:12) Tate: Yep
(15:56:46) WebbArcana: they couldn’t escape because they become a hologram.
(15:56:54) Tate: And they could scan the mind of the criminal to find their greatest fear, then make them live in the holodeck with it
(15:57:06) WebbArcana: but if you began to feed them real food, then they could become human again
(15:57:13) Tate: Hahah
(15:57:21) Tate: You’re right
(15:57:39) WebbArcana: so, if you feed a hologram real food, they would become real
(15:57:50) Tate: If memory serves, they explained that the holodeck uses light and forcefields
(15:58:10) WebbArcana: yeah
(15:58:14) Tate: Maybe that’s what happened to Moriarty
(15:58:32) WebbArcana: someone gave him a real milky way bar?
(15:59:06) Tate: Yeah
(15:59:07) Tate: Or…
(15:59:16) WebbArcana: if people became a holgram over time, the computer could then change their dna in the simulation and when they become real again they are repaired.
(15:59:31) WebbArcana: or it could keep them young
(15:59:41) Tate: Maybe there was a plumbing leak from a toilet, and he was accidentally fed sewage from another deck
(16:00:00) Tate: Or they might mutate, if the CRC fails
(16:00:06) WebbArcana: haha

It’s almost scary, the places your mind can take you when you’re bored…